Saturday, January 21, 2012

What it takes...

Well...another week has gone by, but this one significantly different than past weeks.  I have found that without being overwhelmed in the life changes that are occurring right now, I have had some real time to ponder what I have been thinking and feeling over the course of the past month.  Sometimes when we are so very busy, self reflection is extremely more difficult to do, and although you may know that something is not going well, it becomes increasingly harder to handle it because time doesn't allow.  In just a matter of a couple of months, my life will again change dramatically.  Yes I say again...First, I packed up and moved away from my whole family and out of my comfort zone with someone I knew wasn't right for me...Then as expected...after moving that relationship was doomed and I was left even more alone in a city far away from my support group.  However, I was instantly relieved to meet the man of my dreams and after a whirlwind romance we were married!  That was 3 years ago, since then there has been a few job changes to find the right match (think I found it now...but we'll get to that) 3 new homes within the new state, and of course being an Army Wife...there was that to get accustomed.  But with the support of my husband we pushed through the moves, the jobs, friendships, and travel.  And now it is time again, to change careers, I have left the world of teaching to pursue a career in the United States Army.  It has been a bumpy road, but things are looking up and everything seems to have fallen into place.  Now it is no secret that I have not always been happy.  I carry a lot of stress and worry about many things in my heart, sometimes without even fully understanding it all.  A few days ago, I met a wonderful woman from the Presbyterian Church here.  Recently there has been many questions and feelings that I have had, but to share in detail has proven more difficult than could have been imagined.  Nevertheless, I sat down for the first time with a woman I met moments earlier and confided in her immediately the thoughts and experiences that I have had that have really turned my brain upside down for the past month.  She really understood what I was feeling, and didn't pass judgement on my actions either.  Instead she listened intently, and when I was finished she told me I wasn't alone, and she too has had similar thoughts and was not nearly as shocked as I thought she would be, the rest of the events of that evening are close to my heart and soul, and therefore will not be attempted to put into words, however, I left our meeting revived!  I feel strong and my mind feels clear.  The days since the meeting have been a true testament to the power of words and actions together.  What does it take?  What does it take to be happy?  What does it take to make changes?  What does it take for you to change?  What does it take to believe?  What does it take to accept?  All these questions have come into clarity.  What does it take?  What it takes  I was raised in a church I chose to attend as my family did.  I continue to make that choice as an adult, and although I considered myself a believer, I don't believe that I fully understood the role that faith had in our daily life.  It's a new process for me, however, the steps I have taken, the words I spoke, have already influenced my life tremendously.  I look forward to continuing to explore, and dream on a new level of understanding.  Big life changes are always scary...but now....they seem more manageable.

Just living is not enough, one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower.

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