Saturday, October 8, 2011

Making Plans!

If there is nothing else that I am good at, I am a wonderful planner.  I love to plan, and when I am done planning, I plan some more.  All my planning results in the ability to really think things through.  Sometimes I get the feeling, that when I make certain decisions, people don't believe that they are mine and that I may not have thought them through enough.  Umm...I am not what you would call a spontaneous person.  It is hard for me to say hey lets just go...fill in the blank.  I am the one who needs to wake up knowing that we are doing something so that I may plan accordingly.  I have been this way as long as I could remember.  I appreciate well thought out plans, I do not procrastinate in making my plans into actions.  So why would anyone question my thought process or decisions that have been made?  Regardless, the decision to join the Army was long thought process, at minimum 10 years.  Although I tried other career paths, it has always been something I want to do.  I know it will be hard, and like many other things in this world, I know there will be parts that I don't like, as well as parts that I love.  As an Army wife, I know that it is not all glory and glamour like a movie, I know the reality of the day in and day out of the least on the spousal end.  One thing that the Army can give me, other than a steady paycheck, student loan payoff, medical/dental benefits, and a retirement plan, is the ability to stand on my own.  I have lived a life where in order to make a decision I needed to know what others thought was the best choice for me.  The Army will force me to distance myself from the family that I love and whose support I crave daily, for a period of time, allowing me the realization that perhaps I am capable of standing on my own two feet.  First my relationship with my parents and grandparents, which has since expanded to the relation with my husband and even our 2 dogs!  My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for the last 3.  In that time we have never and I do mean never went one day without talking, and that includes his deployment to Iraq!  I am definitely attached to technology from the phone to the computer to the TV.  I am hoping that this time away will help to restore my individuality and help me achieve the confidence in my own self.  No one can teach confidence, however, by getting through tasks and learning new skills and making choices independently can help refocus one's mind into again seeing levels of confidence that have over the years diminished with my own self image.  I have dreamed of the day where I could be among those in uniform, proudly serving our country.  I have started a military journal which I take with me everywhere and that I hope to continue when I am away.  I think that when all is said and done and this process is just a distant memory it will be fun to look back at how I felt and more importantly how I have changed.

Just living is not enough, one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower!

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