Sunday, October 16, 2011

A mind on overdrive!

Time seems to be moving very slowly which is adding to the anticipation for basic training, but also is adding to the stress of dealing with my current 8-5 job as a pre-kindergarten teacher at Primrose.  I was never meant to be an early childhood teacher I was trained as an elementary school teacher, however due to the economy I didn't get into the school system and resulted as a teacher at Primrose.  The children are young and require a lot of structure.  Over the last 3 years  I have decided that this is not the job for me.  I don't have the patience or interest such as it is to continue the path of teaching.  In the past I had a feeling of success and accomplishment not only for myself but for my students as well.  Recently however, I noticed that I have been having less changes and more frustrations.  This year there is a lack of support not only from my classroom parents, but my administration.  They seem hooked up on the wrong issues.  For example, telling children its time to wake up instead of rubbing their backs and calling them darling...(just so you are aware...I am a trained educator, I don't do the "darling" thing.  however, this wake up method seems more important to my administration than classroom structure or lesson planning.  Now this makes my job hard to handle...I begin stressed out and can't seem to stay motivated throughout the day.  These feelings although getting worse over time, have been there for a while now, and in the past my classroom parents and the students helped to keep me motivated, but I knew that I was not meant to be doing the teaching thing.  I began a search through different things that I have always wanted to do.  That led to a look at my true self and what I really wanted out of life.  Teaching began as a rewarding career, but it has since been losing its appeal, I looked at all my options and have had countless conversations with my husband and other members of my family.  These conversations have led me to the US Army.  The training that the Army can provide, can open doors to new fields that are of great interest to me.  With being stressed at work and the new changes and anxiety that await me, are causing highs and lows that I have a hard time dealing with.  I try to stay focused, but it is very hard to understand and verbalize the way I feel so that others can understand where I am coming from.  Right now I am stuck between a rock and a hardplace.  I want to start a new career, a new chapter in my life, but I am having a hard time surviving until then.  Must remember...All you need is sunshine, freedom, and a little flower :/

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