Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Two months!

Isn't it funny how time gets away from you...You begin a routine or a system of sorts, and then life happens and one day you realize that something you have been working hard to do and keep up is suddenly pushed aside.  The importance level hasn't changed, however, a form of laziness or preoccupation takes a role.  I'm referring to my inconsistencies in my blog updates.  It has been two months since my last blog, and that's ridiculous!  If you are wondering what has been happening, here it goes, the end of the year at work is fast approaching, Spring fever has hit all of us.  My 27th birthday came and went and was celebrated gloriously with my mom and my husband.  We are moving to help save money into an apartment for what is planned at the moment for a year (so far we have been keeping with our financial goals and should be able to keep our deadline to achieving our very own Permanent home)  Also, my brother will be visiting for a weekend, he has never ventured out this way to see me, and I am honored that he is making the time with a toddler at home and a new baby on the way.  Sometimes, as we grow older we grow apart from those we love.  Daily life steps in the way and bonds are stretched to limits we didn't know exist.  However, the hope is that during this visit we will be able to rebuild some of those bonds, and hopefully find ways to reconnect to prevent the shift of communication from occurring again in the future.  My wonderful husband is enrolled in 2 online college courses in an attempt to reach his goal of getting a degree that will allow him to work in a job fighting terrorism once he is retired from the Army.  Therefore, he is taking a basic math course (algebra) and a writing course...neither he is happy with, but we work together and we make jokes, and keep it light, and together we get through it.  A little patience, a little laughter and a lot of love can get you through EVERYTHING!  Even on our bad days or days that didn't go the way we were hoping, there is always a bright side to life.  My mom and I spoke earlier this evening about when I was younger.  I struggled with feelings of adequacy.  I had low self esteem and no matter what, deep inside I just wasn't happy.  Why you may ask?  Only God knows the true answer.  I had the most amazing family!  I had the love and support of my parents as well as the other members of my family; both immediate and extended.  I was always encouraged and was surrounded by friends and family who had nothing but nice things to say, yet I couldn't fit into my own skin.  It took 23 years, but I finally did it!  I finally figured out who I am and my strengths and my weaknesses, and although sometimes I have a relapse, I know more solidly now that deep down its just a bad day.  This realization gets me through my good days and more importantly my bad days.  I know who I am, and I am not perfect, but then again no one is.  I am very self aware and try to make the right choices and do the right thing in all the situations that arise.  If I make the wrong decision, I do what I can to fix it.  I'm honest with myself and remain true and honest to those around me.  I did not like the person I was as a child or young adult.  However, I am proud of the woman that I have become and hope to continue to grow and flourish as I gain new experiences through everyday life situations.

I just have to remember...Just living is not enough, one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower!

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