Enter 2013

It has been almost a full year since my last entry.  Around this time last year, I was in the process of joining the United States Army.  I have spent the better half of the past 6 months in training, first at fort sill oklahoma for basic, and then at Fort Huachuca for AIT.  Then my husband and I bought our first home, and moved to my first duty location in Fort Drum, Ny.  We have been in our new home since the end of October.  Throughout the remainder of the year I have been trying to focus on my new career, putting my training to the test, re-entering the world as a soldier was harderthan I expected.  My goals have changed more than I expected them too.  My mind has grown, in ways I could never have imagined.  My relationship with my husband also changed, we have learned through yet another extensive time apart how much we truly love and admire each other, which ended in making our love even stronger.  I have a new focus on the direction of my life from our house, to my new career, to even the smallest details about our relationship.  I have had ups and downs this past year.  I have struggled and I have flown.  I have cried and I have laughed.  But as the new year approaches I want even more out of my life than I have had in the past,  I know now that the only way to achieve more is to work hard and fight for more.  I have made a vow to do just that.  I didn't make new year's resolutions out right this year, at least not as of this moment, but I have made inner decisions that things need to continue to progress and move forward in or life.  We have the outline of a plan and we are thrilled at the endless possibilities that lay ahead for us.  I look forward to seeing what the year 2013 has in store for me and my family.  I look forward to taking several steps in creating a better future for myself and those around me.   We are making an impression this year!  I guarantee it!

Remember just living isn't enough...you need sunshine, freedom and a little flower

Patience

Patience is man's greatest virtue or so the saying goes...I remember that line from a book I read about gymnastics many years ago.  In recent weeks I have been working hard to remember this sentence because recently, struggling wouldn't even begin to cover how I am sometimes feeling.  Self motivation is a powerful thing, but to hold on to the intensity of it for extended periods of time is proving harder than one would anticipate.  Sometimes it is beneficial to have an outside motivator who can give encouragement even when you don't feel that things are going well.  Small victories seem larger when appreciated by those you care about.  I have accomplished many things in my life so far, but my biggest challenges still await me.  In the course of the year I will have to continuously find the inner strength to continue, to stay positive when things aren't going well, I will need to find a way to overcome pain, frustration, and occasional ignorance.  I will need to overcome fears and stand as a team.  I am learning now at 27 years of age that life is truly what you make of it.  I am sometimes saddened at the thought that it took me this long to realize, but better late than never!  Each day is a new day, and when things are tough or seem hard to handle...I will try to remember that everyone has bad days, and I am going to work harder to make it better.

just living is not enough, one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower!

what time is it? It's military time

As my countdown to basic training continues...I find myself constantly trying to figure out what else I can do to improve my readiness.  Physically Pushups and running is still my downfall...howver my situps have turned me into a rockstar!  I have some ideas to improve my pushups and my run...and will be starting them tomorrow.  I received a map and protractor and intend on having my recruiter plot some points for me to practice with.  memorization is my strongest skill, so therefore, I have been working on overdrive to memorize those things that I was given so that I will be ready for those mindless questions come basic, allowing me more time to focus solely on the new skills I will be learning.  I have always been blessed with a fast metabolism, allowing me to pretty much eat whatever I wanted and not gain any weight...What I have learned through this process is just because you are not over weight does not make you in shape either.  I am working hard to overcome many of the physical complications, and although sometimes motivation is a problem, but I am staying focused and positive...with less than 2 months to go, I wonder how I will survive it all, but then I think about my life and my dreams, and my support and I know that in the end it will all be worthwhile. 

Just living is not enough, one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.

What it takes...

Well...another week has gone by, but this one significantly different than past weeks.  I have found that without being overwhelmed in the life changes that are occurring right now, I have had some real time to ponder what I have been thinking and feeling over the course of the past month.  Sometimes when we are so very busy, self reflection is extremely more difficult to do, and although you may know that something is not going well, it becomes increasingly harder to handle it because time doesn't allow.  In just a matter of a couple of months, my life will again change dramatically.  Yes I say again...First, I packed up and moved away from my whole family and out of my comfort zone with someone I knew wasn't right for me...Then as expected...after moving that relationship was doomed and I was left even more alone in a city far away from my support group.  However, I was instantly relieved to meet the man of my dreams and after a whirlwind romance we were married!  That was 3 years ago, since then there has been a few job changes to find the right match (think I found it now...but we'll get to that) 3 new homes within the new state, and of course being an Army Wife...there was that to get accustomed.  But with the support of my husband we pushed through the moves, the jobs, friendships, and travel.  And now it is time again, to change careers, I have left the world of teaching to pursue a career in the United States Army.  It has been a bumpy road, but things are looking up and everything seems to have fallen into place.  Now it is no secret that I have not always been happy.  I carry a lot of stress and worry about many things in my heart, sometimes without even fully understanding it all.  A few days ago, I met a wonderful woman from the Presbyterian Church here.  Recently there has been many questions and feelings that I have had, but to share in detail has proven more difficult than could have been imagined.  Nevertheless, I sat down for the first time with a woman I met moments earlier and confided in her immediately the thoughts and experiences that I have had that have really turned my brain upside down for the past month.  She really understood what I was feeling, and didn't pass judgement on my actions either.  Instead she listened intently, and when I was finished she told me I wasn't alone, and she too has had similar thoughts and was not nearly as shocked as I thought she would be, the rest of the events of that evening are close to my heart and soul, and therefore will not be attempted to put into words, however, I left our meeting revived!  I feel strong and my mind feels clear.  The days since the meeting have been a true testament to the power of words and actions together.  What does it take?  What does it take to be happy?  What does it take to make changes?  What does it take for you to change?  What does it take to believe?  What does it take to accept?  All these questions have come into clarity.  What does it take?  What it takes is.......faith.  I was raised in a church I chose to attend as my family did.  I continue to make that choice as an adult, and although I considered myself a believer, I don't believe that I fully understood the role that faith had in our daily life.  It's a new process for me, however, the steps I have taken, the words I spoke, have already influenced my life tremendously.  I look forward to continuing to explore, and dream on a new level of understanding.  Big life changes are always scary...but now....they seem more manageable.

Just living is not enough, one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower.

Time flies...

As I look into the future that is before me, I am greeted with excitement and anxiety mixed together.  The changes that will be good for not only myself, but for my family as well is overpowering, but the challenges that I will be undertaking soon can sometimes be overwhelming.  Today, as I was filling out the new calendar for the year of 2012...2 things occurred to me...First, I realized that I wont be here for 1/2 the year.  A strange thought for sure.  Then I flipped the calendar to March, and wrote down 3 simple words..."leave for BCT" such simple words...yet they are filled with so many emotions.  I realized that with all the changes that I have been trying to deal with to prepare for those 6 months, I haven't really been focusing at all on the actual leaving.  I have thought about the missing while being away, I have thought about the mental aspects and the physical challenges.  I know that the outcome will be worth the time away, however, the thought of saying goodbye to my amazing husband and my adorable puppies for 6 months is so upsetting.  When I received my 90 day letter it seemed so close, but then when I thought about it a little more I still felt like I had plenty of time.  But now as the countdown continues to lessen, I realize that time goes by faster than I would have thought.  I am trying to get prepared as well as make sure I am spending all the time I want with my family here so that my memories continue to overpower me as I go after these new life changes.  I hope that my enthusiasm and encouragement that I have received will continue to grow and my experiences away will be as rewarding as I am hoping for.  I just need to remember that time does fly, and that just living is not enough...one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.

new years resolutions

A few days ago, I asked my brother what his New Years Resolutions were going to be this year.  I always like to make them myself and I have a natural curiosity about what others choose as resolutions, but this year, as so many things are changing in my life, the curiosity grew.  My brother responded with a hearty list (as usual) of the many resolutions all wonderfully thoughtout that he was planning for the year of 2012.  Then he asked me..."You?"  Me?  Well, I had to admit that with all the new changes in my life, New Years kind of snuck up on me.  Not to mention that this year is broken up into 3 very different lifestyles, and the consistency of resolutions is more complicated than usual.  I was pondering this situation for a few moments, before speaking with my husband who informed me that in the 5 years we have been together he too has made some resolutions for the first time!  He has decided to give up the soda, lose the extra weight he put on from his surgery and eat better overall...great resolutions, and again I sat.  Then I thought...I have goals...I have things that I want to do and accomplish this year, but they aren't all things I will be working toward for a full year, and I will be in a situation where I will have little freedoms or availabilities for a 6 month period...Nevertheless, I bring the question...what exactly is a New Years resolution?  Is it something you hope to accomplish within the year at anytime, or is it something that must be done relatively consistently throughout the year?  Any takers?  Just curious...

remember just living isn't enough one must have freedom sunshine and a little flower!

Another year over

Well, I made it!  2011 is coming to a close, and 2012 is looking brighter than ever!  When I started this blog my goal was to put the difficult and sometimes painful or sad or overwhelmingly stressful things in my life into a new light.  A positive light.  Too often I find it is easy to think negatively...Thinking about all the bad things that could theoretically happen.  This blog was meant to take those situations and look at them in a different light.  The times that I was faithful to my posting method proved the power of positive thinking.  The problem was...I didn't post every time I was sad, or scared, or stressed.  Therefore, there were some difficult times.  However, I can't overlook the amazing things that  have occurred here in 2011.  Just to name a few...We are ALIVE (yup gotta look at the obvious one first!) we survived a year as a healthy family!  Doug had surgery, but it went well, and the outcome in 4 weeks will be nothing short of a healthier lifestyle for the man of my dreams...Can't go wrong there!  I passed my 2 year anniversary at work...marking my longest time at a job in about 5 years!  Our puppies are doing well and they are happy and healthy and we couldn't ask for more!  Our new apartment although it has its quirks...is finally feeling warm and cozy!  We located a pizza place just down the street that is remarkably close (not quite, but close) to good ol New York Pizza!  A new 2nd cousin was born in January, We saw George Strait and Reba McIntyre in Concert!  Great seats...great show...great people!  Doug completed 3 college courses I ran another 1/2 marathon, and my Brother finally made it to Colorado!  And was here to see me cross the finish line!  We took a spontaneous road trip to Cheyenne Wyoming with the puppies...walked them in the park and then came home!  Wonderful conversation.  We moved from the house we were renting back into an apartment the money saved is always nice!  Although my dad ended up in the hospital...he is doing much better and we enjoyed a wonderful 2 weeks for Thanksgiving and mock Christmas.  Our tradition of attending the Dillon BBQ festival continued and we were accompanied by some new friends!  I joined the US ARMY!  and then attended a going away party for my new found friend Kristin who shipped off to basic a few weeks after.  I received a waiver for my eyes and was able to choose the 35F job that I was hoping for!  Military Intelligence Analyst!  A long time dream of joining the military is finally coming true!  I received my first pair of Army Boots and my BCT countdown began!  I went to my first pro hockey game with my amazing husband, my wonderful mom, and my wonderful dad!  And we WON!  Our out of town vacation this year took us to Puerto Rico!  We spent a week with some friends who renewed their vows, I saw where my great grandfather was from and enjoyed delicious food and great company!  Kristen got married, and Doug and I began our first year of tradition in our own home.  Yes the year of 2011 had its ups and downs, but looking back there was so much to be thankful for...2012 will be busy and challenging, but we will have the opportunity to move somewhere new, make new friends, and hopefully both Doug and I will be able to better flourish in our new location.  So much to look forward to, so although its sad to say goodbye to 2011...I can't wait for 2012!